Week 74: Forsaken (December 2, 2019)

"...For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee."

Recently I have felt like people look at the word forsaken as something negative - something that only happens to us when we are wicked and sin against God. To be considered forsaken, you would feel that  you have been left by someone you needed or counted on. So for God to say that he has forsaken us, and left us, I can see where everyone would think it is negative. But on the opposite end, I don't think to be forsaken is such a bad thing. 

We are all going to feel forsaken sometimes; as if we have been left to face it all on our own. But we feel that so we learn to still look to Him, to strengthen our faith that He truly has never left us, forgotten in the middle of some never ending ocean where the waves rise high and land never seems to appear. I think some missionaries, especially missionaries going home, can feel that. 

They feel like they are being kicked back and forsaken. And yet in all reality, it is just a part of it all. The sadness, the stress, the worry. If we did not feel a little lost, we would not need to look to Him. 

Feeling lost is one of the worst feelings of the human condition, and only through Jesus Christ can that condition be healed. 

This week I am sending home my entire group of sisters I entered the mission field with - and yet, none of us are forgotten. He is just gathering us in different places.... And no mercies are withheld in that. 

Last week we planned more than I have my entire mission. We are preparing to basically "double out" our area, send us both home, and are running a mission wide womens conference with our mission president's wife this coming week. In fact, the morning of our preparation day is going to be spent finishing up last minute details, as we will be leaving for Helena early Tuesday morning. And yet, through it all, God blessed us "with everlasting kindness". (3 Nephi 22:8) 

This Thanksgiving was one full of sweet moments. We started the day as course guards for the Billings Turkey Trot, a 5k race in downtown Billings. It was one of the most cold things we have done this week, and despite our six layers, the wind that swept down between the buildings with the snow was still too powerful. We stood outside for the two hour duration, then ran back to our car as quickly as we could. We ran home and changed, then went to my favorite lady, Kim's house. 

We helped Kim prepared Thanksgiving for her and her two buddies from upstairs. It was special to her to know that despite her physical limitations, we were there to make it a good meal. We could not stay for food, but came back the next day for leftovers. We ran from there to the Wares,  a family that consists of three older siblings. 

We had not originally planned on going to the Wares that day - but during a visit to them during the week as one of them just returned from a 121 day hospital stay, we both felt strongly to spend some time with them. 

Their kitchen was in the middle of a remodel, they had no stove or sink. So Sister Ware brought us all a Turkey dinner from a place called Perkins (a Denny's disguised by Montana). We pulled out the plastic containers, dished up from a giant store bought fruit platter, and had one of the most memorable Thanksgivings of our lives. I have never seen so much gratitude from someone for just being present to eat a meal with them. 

It was something truly special. 

We are at another family's home, then had dessert with another family. It was busy and wonderful,  and yet another one of God's reminders that He is watching over us. 

The snow came in a frenzy, overnight, but it did not stop the weekend from being one for the books. Yesterday, Joe recieved the Priesthood, and his temple reccomend. Sister Brereton and I, gave our last testimonies in a Sacrament meeting as missionaries, and he cried - a lot. As I went to walk past him to sit down on the pew, he said, "I love you Kid." 

How miraculous it is that God gives us that! Despite having little time to do much else than minister to sisters on emergency exchanges, and planning conferences and lessons and events, He gave me that. He knows exactly what it is that we need and just how much effort and desire we truly have within us, within our very bones. 

And despite looking back and maybe feeling like we have been "forsaken" in our responsibilities, we look back and know we have never been forgotten. We just have to do things a little differently, and that is alright.

It is part of the human condition to worry so much, you know. 

While sitting in the Bishop's office for Joe to be confirmed, Joe talked about some of the blessings he has recieved and the future ahead of Him. One of the people in the room, Remington, said, "How cool it is that the person that found you gets to be here, too!" The bishop followed, "I want you to know that I personally have never seen this happen - her coming back." 

I got to be here for Joe. 

And for Kim. 

And for the Wares. 

All because the Lord is constantly trying to lovingly gather me, every single day. 

And He is gathering you! 

Please do not feel forsaken. It is just a feeling He sends so we can learn to reach a little higher, love a little more, and seek more consistently. It is normal. 

And you are normal. 

Thanksgiving had us reflecting on our missions and the great mercies bestowed to us - is there even room enough to write them?  We don't seem to think so. Some things, like the Nephites said, that "there cannot be written in this book even a hundredth part of the things", which the Lord has given me in my mission. 

A mission has been one of the greatest blessings and privileges of my life. Looking at it, it never was a sacrifice. 

It had been my privilege. 

Remember that being forsaken is a part of our human existence - Adam fell and here we are. Falling everyday. 

It is a beautiful thing that at the end of that fall lies a beautiful landing for those who truly try to soar. 

I have one more of these after today - where does time go? Thanks for being a part of the journey friends. 

"For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee." 

Justice is easy to be had, mercy takes more. And Christ gives us mercy, every, single moment. 

Take care this week. 

Sister Walstad